> inside-me

< i'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in and stops my mind from wandering where it will go >.
the beatles > john lennon, paul mc'cartney

today i'd decided to share my random thoughts that pretty much describes my mind at any given moment........

boyfriend's shirt on women are sexy
is true love really exist?
why love is painful?
why i still believe in love when it broke my heart many times?

boxer-briefs on women are hot.
why i like a short-haired women?
oh no...i'm still wearing xl size!

why can i never find what i'm looking for unless i'm not looking for it?
the depth of my sarcasm is unknown even to me.
i hate it when i dream that i'm struggling to wake up.

why are the only women telling me how wonderful i am the ones who are unavailable?

is there anything good on tv anymore?
why i miss them when i hate them.
do i need therapy test?
why are them richer than me?

is annoying to know that less than 5 percent of the U.S. news is about international issues < accept iraq, which of course is a wholly American international issue >
why giant percentage of americans don't own a passport!!

i'm much prefer mamak's mee goreng!

hello the opposition! why i'm still paying toll driving up to the north???
hello mister, blaming others is not an easy way out!

> de-ra-ma gi-ler

a love letter from smartypants to shoeprincess...the 'drama' letter was delivered to shoeprincess at her dungeon not so long ago, when smartypants & shoeprinces were on the brink of cloudnine....

the letter..

Terfikir sang gembala adalah besar keajaiban jika takdir menjodohkannya dgn puteri raja yg cantik jelita,baik tersua mata atau berkata kata.....Apa yg sang gembala ini ada? Tiada rupa, ternakkan tak seberapa.
Memang tuhan mahu menduga, ditakdirkan suatu hari sang gembala tersua puteri raja di laman istana, ya tuhan, jangan hamba disiksa, hati ini bagai dihiris bunga bunga syurga, perlu kah hamba menyapa? Sang gembala berlalu tanpa berkata membawa separuh hati yang luka tapi tersuka.

Setiap hari, sang gembala tertanya tanya apakah hukuman yg bakal diterima jika puteri di sapa, pegawal istana ada diserata...Apakhabar sang gembala?.................
Hamba baik belaka puteri yg jelita, kata sang gembala.
Kenapa menunduk masa berkata, apakah sang gembala malu dgn beta?
Masa berlalu malam menyapa, begitu lama sang gembala dan puteri bercerita, kisah sedih kisah cinta. Maka bermulalah cerita sang gembala dan puteri jelita menjadi teman berbicara.

Setelah sepurnama, hati sang gembala mula gelisah bertanya tanya, kenapa hamba menjadi begini rupa? Apakah ini yang dinamakan suka? Terfikir sang gembala, satu keajaiban jika takdir menjodohkannya dengan puteri raja, tapi apa salahnya kalau hamba mencuba, hamba juga insan sempurna cuma bukan kerabat diraja.......bila terpikat, lautan kaca sanggup diduga, jika puteri jelita punya perasaan yang sama....

Tanpa disangka, sudah tercanang di istana, puteri jelita bakal dijodohkan dengan putera raja, sama segak sama bergaya atas titah baginda raja. Puteri jelita dan putera raja akan disatukan demi kebahagiaan keluarga tercinta.

Memang takdir tidak menyebelahi sang gembala, ada yang berkata kalau kail panjang sejengkal, lautan dalam jgn diduga. Tak termampu sang gembala mengubah cerita hanya masa pengubat luka. Semuga bahagia walau dengan siapa puteri bersama, itu lah doa sang gembala.

yang penuh drama
smartypants

grrrrrrrrrrr

I’ve been feeling crap lately. Not so much physically, but mentally. I think I need to get away and recharge my batteries. I would love to be able to go away this weekend but i have a feeling it ain't’ gonna happen right now. i've sooooo many things to do in the next couple of days & i'm really fretting. but cant complaints, at least i still hv time to rant on my blog..

aaaaaaaaaaarghh...i must go somewhere,need a break...how nice if i've a gift for teleportation,
hmmmm jeng jeng jeng.....dang!to bank vault then dang!spaing in bali, dang!sunbathing on varadero beach, dang!shopping in paris, dang! dang!breakfast in my hometown mkn cucoq..dang!lunch in casablanca, dang!dinner in alhambra, dang!to the bank again, dang!dang!.....

what the f! some dude was throwing rubbish just in front of me. this is the people who'd skipped 'tatarakyat' in school!!idiot..excuse me! throw em' all at ur dump back yard la..

HEY YOU! YES YOU, IDIOT .. THE ONLY ONE WITH THE UGLY PLASTIC BAGS! PICK THAT UP OR YOU'RE DEAD!
WHOA WHOA WHOA PUT THE MACHINE GUN DOWN...WHERE'D THE HECK THE MACHINE GUN COME FROM?..........fine, I'll go now.

its all done-finito

with prim & precise manner i listen to her explanation. whatever..
its over now.
i'm cool,no grudge against her.

seriously,i feel as if a giant stone had been lifted off my chest!

can there be anything more wonderful than the emotion of relief!
when you have feared for the worst & then things turn out to be not so bad after all.
you feel as if you have been handed a brand new future to make whatever you want from it - a new start..ceewaaahhh....you feel brave, you feel hope & anything seems possible...well...i hope so.

you feel so alive that you want to stand on your head...and you do!!!
so - did - i!...magic kan.

hah another magic! i discovered that in a busy place if you make yourself look busy...you can become invincible! i found myself a bucket of paint & disappear..vanish in the crowd & paint the city red...pick your spot.

apa aku cakap ni...pardon me..i'm a bit slanted today.

something stupid

i'm not supposed to feel this way, i'm not supposed to care, i'm not supposed to live my life wishing she were there. i'm not supposed to wonder where she is or what she do. i'm not supposed to worry what she thinks of me. i'm not supposed to worry abt lots of thing!

this feeling makes me so vulnerable... it opens my chest and it opens up my heart and i feels like someone can get inside of me and mess me up. i build up all these defenses, i build up a whole suit of armor, so that it cant get into me...may be i should hv use kevlar brand ....sigh, life time guarantee!

then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into my stupid life...& i give her e whole piece of me...she didn't even ask for it....
she just did something dumb one day, like smile at me, and then my life isn't mine anymore.....just like that...huh

i'm worry one day so simple a phrase like ' maybe we should be just friends ' could turns into a glass splinter working its way into my heart.

it will hurts me bad!... & not just in my imagination. not just in my mind. it's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-me-and-rips-me-apart pain.
seriously,i don't want & i don't need all this..........

my heart tells me that it will happen soon...very soon.
arrghh...like what the northerner always said " biaq pi lah " ..let it be, & be done with it.

100 things about me

After this one, I have to start coming up with new ones. Hold me.

I think the government should stay out of the bedroom and spend more time in the boardroom.
I think the government should allow each state to have 20 'menteri besar',fat fun to foam party in group
I like hanging out with my friends; they are amazing.
I like to be alone
I was raised by a single mother.
I was about 9 when my father passed away.
I have sang a song to public when i was 6, and I was good at it.
I like to surprise people.
I’m not nearly done yet.
I daydream. A lot.
Someday I hope to publish a novel.
Someday I hope to finish a novel.
Someday i hope to exhibit a painting.
Someday i hope to finish a painting.
I don’t worry about much.
i worry about little things.
I don’t scare easily.
I don’t care what you think about me.
I care very much about what I think about me.
I like them, but they are married.
I want to get marry before 60.
I’m still not sure how I feel about that.
I want to have 4 child, and that’s plenty for me.
Sometimes I want to run away from home.
I probably never will. At least not for long.
Most of the times i just want to stay at home.
I am a hopeless romantic.
i think i am romantic.
I’ve danced on a table or two in my time.
I miss dancing on tables.
i miss dancing at gay clubs.
i am not gay, gay.
I’ve nearly stopped watching TV.
I can watch TV all day.
I love my fiends.
I love watching friends.
i've nearly stopped seing my friends.
I have a pen fetish.
And a paper fetish.

gimme a break

i'm so tired of people who are tired all the time...in the course of business there is a women i hv spoken with eight or nine times in the month. along abt the tenth time i realized that our next conversation would begin in lethargy, like every other talk we'd had so far. she would announce, immediately, "i am exhausted." there would be variations on this theme, " i am jammed,i'm letih la,busy la,didnt sleep all night,worn out,cannot take it,bear it,face it,deal with it,put up with it,bla bla bla all in kaput.finito. kabbooomm"
i was right! the minute we started the next conversation, she announced," i am exhausted."
hello dear...you are not exhausted...rescue teams,doctors, the people or families crawling through bombed buildings searching for survivors in baghdad are exhausted. people in concentration camps in lebanon are exhausted,politicians who'd lost in the
recent pru12 are exhausted ( sorry ah datuk datuk & latuk latuk )..........but people arriving late for lunch at fine japanese restaurant are not exhausted...... & ya'know what? it is offensive to hear them claim that they are...ya feel me,lady.