Friday, August 8, 2008

> retrospective

+ today is supposedly my big day

once in a while something happens that forces me to take a long look at myself, reevaluate my life and started to doubt all of the things that happened to me in the past few months. once in a while happened this morning......if you don’t know what I’m talking about, consider yourself lucky.

i tried to shake free of those memories, wondering why they'd re-surfaced with such clarity... was it because i am now wise enough to realize how unusual it was to like someone so quickly....or simply because i felt guilty......i don't know.

lately, it seemed i didn't know a lot of things......there were people who claimed to hv all the answers, or at least the answer to the big questions of life..but some of the answers may seen difficult to believe..there was something about the assurance with which they spoke that seemed self justifying.. but if there is one person who could answer any question, my question would be this -

' how far should a person go in the name of love? '

i could pose the question to hundred people and get a hundred different answers...most were obvious, a person should sacrifice or accept or forgive or even fight if need be...the list can go on and on...and i knew that all these answers were valid, but it cant help me.......something just were beyond understanding...
thinking back, i recalled events i wished i could change, tears i wished had never been shed, time that could have been better spent and frustration i should have shrugged off.

life, it seemed was full of regret, and i yearned to turn back the clock so i could amend my mistakes... and as i considered the question of how far the person should go in the name of love, i knew what my answer would be..........' sometimes it meant a person should lie....'

Friday, August 1, 2008

> meant to be a post here

i am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

it’s been a while since the last posts but there have been many good reasons for the hiatus. lately i’ve been quite busy and i cannot be unhappy about the fact that offline activities are taking more and more of my time these days. i still got a few pending tasks regarding the theme, the concept or other crazy things , but i can’t say when i will go back to work on those projects...guess its ok to play lazy once in a while - brain cells got to rest right? so....i got on the Internet checked e-mail - pretend to look got what i meant....,then browse several websites, want to shop for a couple of things i couldn't find in the store - didn’t find them online matter what i still want that white converse!

then logged on to blogspot... but i didn’t start writing. not right away. i checked stats.
i visited blogs that linked to me.....happy to see jazz and diver are totally in love - now i'm dying to eat nasi minyak...aiz was excited with her billingham trip - she's in billingham by now - miss her already, husni is so happy with his recent project - congratulations b......spena finally became part of underwater community - successfully make me jealous..., neome sharing her love+life evolution, cat bat is in a mission impossible..everything is possible girl - cheer up, gomba with never ending most scary ghost story....

now it’s getting late, time to go for a hair cut and hopefully can jump back to the pav in time for a 7.30 show .....and i still have no idea what to say...and yet look at the words i’ve written. i don’t have a MD in bluffing for nothing, do i? the truth is, not much is going on right now, at least no much that seems worth blogging about. there’s no drama for now, no angst, not one memorable exchange with a random stranger or bizarre dream. things are just… mellow. it may not make for an exciting blog post, but i’ll take it. and count my blessings because i know that’s not the case with everyone out there ...but there is more space to fill this week.....