> searching for the unknown but knowable

when i was smaller, a boy. i wanted to be many things. i wanted to be rich, i wanted to be famous, i wanted to be a loving father of five oriental children. i wanted to be a hero, i wanted to be strong, i wanted to be a soldier so i can help sargeant vic morrow to kill all the bad guys....i wanted to be special, i saw myself standing out from the crowd, never conforming and never apologizing for it. i reveled in being different! i even invented an exotic background to further set myself apart. but somewhere along the way i forgot about all that.....i got scared....the life i ended up with was like a colorful cheap shirt..... it looked good from the outside, with some fashionable detailing and all but was scratchy and uncomfortable and really didn’t fit properly. i felt powerless to change it. the fear had worked its way into my bone, winding around my dna and becoming a part of me.

but things changed, as they always do.... the thin walls of my life suddenly came crashing down around me, and i had to rebuild. it has been a very slow process...... but i’ve finally rid myself of the fear.... and i’ve put together a life that fits me better..i hope so...and yet there is more work to do. a little tailoring here and there, if you will. my thousand-mile journey is far from over...i'm still restless and searching. some part of me understands that this will always be.. it is what keeps me moving forward rather than standing still. but i’m determined to enjoy the journey, take pleasure in the hunt and keep moving forward searching for purpose, to reach for something that sets me apart from the crowd.