grrrrrrrrrrr

I’ve been feeling crap lately. Not so much physically, but mentally. I think I need to get away and recharge my batteries. I would love to be able to go away this weekend but i have a feeling it ain't’ gonna happen right now. i've sooooo many things to do in the next couple of days & i'm really fretting. but cant complaints, at least i still hv time to rant on my blog..

aaaaaaaaaaarghh...i must go somewhere,need a break...how nice if i've a gift for teleportation,
hmmmm jeng jeng jeng.....dang!to bank vault then dang!spaing in bali, dang!sunbathing on varadero beach, dang!shopping in paris, dang! dang!breakfast in my hometown mkn cucoq..dang!lunch in casablanca, dang!dinner in alhambra, dang!to the bank again, dang!dang!.....

what the f! some dude was throwing rubbish just in front of me. this is the people who'd skipped 'tatarakyat' in school!!idiot..excuse me! throw em' all at ur dump back yard la..

HEY YOU! YES YOU, IDIOT .. THE ONLY ONE WITH THE UGLY PLASTIC BAGS! PICK THAT UP OR YOU'RE DEAD!
WHOA WHOA WHOA PUT THE MACHINE GUN DOWN...WHERE'D THE HECK THE MACHINE GUN COME FROM?..........fine, I'll go now.

its all done-finito

with prim & precise manner i listen to her explanation. whatever..
its over now.
i'm cool,no grudge against her.

seriously,i feel as if a giant stone had been lifted off my chest!

can there be anything more wonderful than the emotion of relief!
when you have feared for the worst & then things turn out to be not so bad after all.
you feel as if you have been handed a brand new future to make whatever you want from it - a new start..ceewaaahhh....you feel brave, you feel hope & anything seems possible...well...i hope so.

you feel so alive that you want to stand on your head...and you do!!!
so - did - i!...magic kan.

hah another magic! i discovered that in a busy place if you make yourself look busy...you can become invincible! i found myself a bucket of paint & disappear..vanish in the crowd & paint the city red...pick your spot.

apa aku cakap ni...pardon me..i'm a bit slanted today.

something stupid

i'm not supposed to feel this way, i'm not supposed to care, i'm not supposed to live my life wishing she were there. i'm not supposed to wonder where she is or what she do. i'm not supposed to worry what she thinks of me. i'm not supposed to worry abt lots of thing!

this feeling makes me so vulnerable... it opens my chest and it opens up my heart and i feels like someone can get inside of me and mess me up. i build up all these defenses, i build up a whole suit of armor, so that it cant get into me...may be i should hv use kevlar brand ....sigh, life time guarantee!

then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into my stupid life...& i give her e whole piece of me...she didn't even ask for it....
she just did something dumb one day, like smile at me, and then my life isn't mine anymore.....just like that...huh

i'm worry one day so simple a phrase like ' maybe we should be just friends ' could turns into a glass splinter working its way into my heart.

it will hurts me bad!... & not just in my imagination. not just in my mind. it's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-me-and-rips-me-apart pain.
seriously,i don't want & i don't need all this..........

my heart tells me that it will happen soon...very soon.
arrghh...like what the northerner always said " biaq pi lah " ..let it be, & be done with it.

100 things about me

After this one, I have to start coming up with new ones. Hold me.

I think the government should stay out of the bedroom and spend more time in the boardroom.
I think the government should allow each state to have 20 'menteri besar',fat fun to foam party in group
I like hanging out with my friends; they are amazing.
I like to be alone
I was raised by a single mother.
I was about 9 when my father passed away.
I have sang a song to public when i was 6, and I was good at it.
I like to surprise people.
I’m not nearly done yet.
I daydream. A lot.
Someday I hope to publish a novel.
Someday I hope to finish a novel.
Someday i hope to exhibit a painting.
Someday i hope to finish a painting.
I don’t worry about much.
i worry about little things.
I don’t scare easily.
I don’t care what you think about me.
I care very much about what I think about me.
I like them, but they are married.
I want to get marry before 60.
I’m still not sure how I feel about that.
I want to have 4 child, and that’s plenty for me.
Sometimes I want to run away from home.
I probably never will. At least not for long.
Most of the times i just want to stay at home.
I am a hopeless romantic.
i think i am romantic.
I’ve danced on a table or two in my time.
I miss dancing on tables.
i miss dancing at gay clubs.
i am not gay, gay.
I’ve nearly stopped watching TV.
I can watch TV all day.
I love my fiends.
I love watching friends.
i've nearly stopped seing my friends.
I have a pen fetish.
And a paper fetish.

gimme a break

i'm so tired of people who are tired all the time...in the course of business there is a women i hv spoken with eight or nine times in the month. along abt the tenth time i realized that our next conversation would begin in lethargy, like every other talk we'd had so far. she would announce, immediately, "i am exhausted." there would be variations on this theme, " i am jammed,i'm letih la,busy la,didnt sleep all night,worn out,cannot take it,bear it,face it,deal with it,put up with it,bla bla bla all in kaput.finito. kabbooomm"
i was right! the minute we started the next conversation, she announced," i am exhausted."
hello dear...you are not exhausted...rescue teams,doctors, the people or families crawling through bombed buildings searching for survivors in baghdad are exhausted. people in concentration camps in lebanon are exhausted,politicians who'd lost in the
recent pru12 are exhausted ( sorry ah datuk datuk & latuk latuk )..........but people arriving late for lunch at fine japanese restaurant are not exhausted...... & ya'know what? it is offensive to hear them claim that they are...ya feel me,lady.

In Between

to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed
And somehow I got caught up in between
Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed
And somehow I got caught up in between, between
My pride
And my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
And things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed
And somehow I got caught up in between, between
My pride
And my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
And things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
And I cannot explain to you
And anything I say or do or plan
Fear is not afraid of you
But guilt's a language you can understand
I cannot explain to you
And anything I say or do
But hope the actions speak the words they can
For my pride
And my promise
For my lies
And how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
My pride
And my promise
Between my lies
And how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none

my crib

i'm not a diary person & not too open when it comes to my everyday events n experiences. nothing much to share aside of great monthly friends' get together party in my small apartment.
there's something abt living in my small apartment that i find appealing. part of this fantasy,i suppose, believing that in a small space i would only have room for a small selection of great lovely things rather than clobber n clutter that fills my life.........but in the city where property is at a premium, i m of the firm belief that it is better to be in the thick of things, in a diminutive but perfectly formed apartment than it is to be bored in the suburb......& of course there r habits i must instantly give up like having more antique furniture wa waa waaa waaaaaaa n a large spanish+moorish's style dining table enough for all my lovely friends.
my java day bed!ya believe it or not,large in small space can really be used to great effect,the bed that takes 1/3 of my apartment's space looks sensational! love it!but it leaves a very small space for the sitting area....eerrrr but i like it that way though!it's better for chatting n gossiping on & on & on which is a sitting area's most important function, after all,betul tak kawan kawan...

warisan

we're asked to sing this song on the first day in uni.tht was my first & last till today, march8th08......

Anak kecil main api
Terbakar hatinya yang sepi
Airmata darah bercampur keringat
Bumi dipijak milik orang

Nenek moyang kaya raya
Tergadai seluruh harta benda
Akibat sengketa sesama kita
Cita lenyap di arus zaman

Indahnya bumi kita ini
Warisan berkurun lamanya
Hasil mengalir ke tangan yang lain
Pribumi merintih sendiri

Masa depan sungguh kelam
Kan lenyap peristiwa semalam
Tertutup hati terkunci mati
Maruah peribadi dah hilang

Kini kita cuma tinggal kuasa
Yang akan menentukan bangsa
Bersatulah hati bersama berbakti
Pulih kembali harga diri

Kita sudah tiada masa
Majulah dengan gagah perkasa
Janganlah terlalai teruskan usaha
kita kan gagah di Nusantara

Yes, I am a self-proclaimed Nice Guy

And I'll be the first to admit that being a Nice Guy never got me anywhere… Well I can't say that that's entirely true: I did get used a lot. BUT I will say that it was apparent the "bastards" always, always got luckier with the women than I did. I got their rejects, their not-so-left-overs.
Heck, for a long time I thought it was me. I thought it was a cruel joke. I thought I was singled out as being a "nice guy freak of nature". I thought all the "non-bastards" were getting lucky except me. I mean cum'on! EVERYONE said you needed to be a romantic "nice guy" to have success with women! Little did I know the whole "nice guy" thing was malarkey. Pure & simple crap. Probably put together a long time ago by a group of mothers living out their "evil plan" to keep their sons from dating girls that didn't meet their high & mighty standards!
But not only did it keep their sons from dating "bad girls" it kept them from having any fun period, and from forming relationships with terrific women that lasted longer than one night!
And I was one of the idiots that bought into the "nice guy" story - hook, line & sinker. And with it my sex life and love life were both doomed to utter failure (or just about). And - like I said before - I thought I was alone in the world… the only "non-bastard" that wasn't getting any. The only "non-bastard who kept getting cheated on, used, and dumped - over and over again. Eventually I managed to "bastard" my way into a relationship ( still working on it ), But I've never forgotten all the fun I missed out on when I was a wretched "nice guy". last week I had the pleasure of talking to other guys that experienced the same thing during their single periods of life. Namely they played the "nice card" with virtually every woman and got "shut out", cheated on, or dumped far more often than the "bastards"...Nice Guys Get Dumped! Period.