gemgem once said 'kalau hang suka kat marka tu...hang patut pi terus ' approach ' dia....just try....you've got nothing to lose bro...'
thank you, gem...tapi aku tak termampu la nak buat macam tu...
kalau lah aku ada keberanian yang macam tu, aku tak la sesenja sekarang ni...aku ni nampak ja macam tak tau malu, tapi sebenarnya pemalu dan penakut la sikit...terutama sekali selepas pengalaman di atas Bus Mini Wilayah dulu.. to put it short la...about 13-14 years dulu, aku ternampak la seorang marka dalam BMW and she was sitting fairly close dengan aku ni, 1 or 2 seats away cam tu la. she was by far the most gorgeous woman i've ever seen in my life lah....bagi aku la, tapi most of kawan-kawan aku wouldn't have thought the same cam aku..'bro...you have a totally different taste in woman la ' so they say......aku tak kisah.
about two days later, masa aku kat lebuh ampang BMW station, aku ternampak this woman again!!!.... and she was alone and walking towards the Central Market. aku macam tengok dia for a few minutes tapi aku bet dia tak tau pun yang aku dok tengah tengok dia...macam biasa la kan..dok syok sorang-sorang..
one day, masa aku dalam one of the mini busses nak pi kerja kat ampang point, out of no where, when the bus stopped for someone...it was her....again!..she got on and sat in the left side of the bus...same row...tapi aku on the right side, taste lah!!!!! wangi.....nak tegur ka? tak nak tegur...nak tegur ka? tak nak tegur ka? kalau tegur, nak kata apa? nak kata hi ka...hello? or tanya' you kerje kat manee? macam-macam lagi lah...dekat 15 minit la jugak aku dok berderama sorang-sorang tepi tingkap bas tu.....last, aku kata dalam hati ' now or never! '...setelah bismilah 2,3kali, aku pun memberanikan diri bangun....berjalan...dan duduk sebelah dia...everyone in the bus was looking at me masa tu...free show...aku rasa semua orang macam dok tunggu nak gelak kat aku ja..
bontot aku cecah ja cushion seat sebelah marka tu, terus aku tanya ' hi, boleh berkenalan? '..............dalam bas masa tu, senyap-sunyi. selalu driver bas tu pasang lagu ' blame it on the rain,mili-vanili 'sampai lunyai telinga...tapi hari ni tak pasang-pasang pulak..
aku tanya sekali lagi ' hi....... ' perempuan tu tak tengok aku langsung...senyum tak..apa pun tak..malu nya aku ni memang tak terkira lah..
apa aku perlu buat ni? pergi balik tempat duduk aku tadi ka? ish...tak sanggup aku nak pusing kepala menghala penumpang-penumpang kat belakang tu...sah-sah diaorang dok follow ' live telecast ' show aku tu tadi....
aku kata dalam hati yang rosak ni ' buat bodo, duduk ja kat sini sampai ampang point '....tapi, perjalanan dari lebuh ampang ke ampang point tu aku rasa macam perjalanan dari padang besar nak pi tanjong pagar, singapura...berjam-jam...lama betul.....
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
> rockafella
aku ni dari segi luarannya, macam rock tapi kat dalam memang macam 'tokua'. untuk mengelak hati tokua aku ni dari hancus...maka, aku akan sangat berhati-hati bila part nak mencari teman hidup...aku, kalau dah rosak hati...memang hampeh...macam-macam nak buat...dulu nak buat rumah kat dalam hutan la, nak bawak diri pi overseas la...tapi tang makan? laluuu...memang bahaya beb....yang paling menarik, perempuan tu tak tau pun yang aku ni suka kat dia...aku ja yang dok ber-derama sorang-sorang....so untuk mengelak dari aku pi buat benda-benda bodo ni...adalah lebih baik single.
bak kata pepatah melayu lama...'kajang pak malau kajang berlipat, kajang hamba mengkuang layu, dagang pak malau dagang bertempat, dagang hamba menumpang lalu'....sebenarnya pepatah ni tak ada kena mengena langsung dengan apa yang aku cerita ni...saja ja aku tulis..sebab aku memang suka pepatah ni dari dulu lagi..
berbalik ke topik asal...aku ni bukan nya buruk, tapi kalau tengok dari sesetengah sudut tu, macam gajah pun ada jugak...ish. dulu, masa mengaji dulu ada la juga marka-marka yang suka kat aku, tapi aku la pulak rasa aku ni tak berapa sesuai dengan depa yang pandai-pandai tu......yang aku tau, nak pi bersuka ria kat kawloon dengan geng-geng ragbi aku... pastu ada la jugak, kawan kawan ofis yang menunjuk minat untuk mengenali aku ' dengan lebey dekat ' lagi...tapi aku la pulak sibuk nak mengejar kerjaya yang tak besar-besar sampai sekarang.......nak beli rumah dulu la, nak itu dulu la, ini dulu la, enjoy dulu la...macam-macam alasan lah...
aku tak la komplen pasal cara hidup aku la ni...tak lah senang tapi tak dak yang kurang...cuma, sejak setahun dua ni, ada member-member yang dah kahwin, dapat anak dan nak dapat anak buat aku rasa ada benda yang kurang dalam hidup aku la ni.....mak aku yang tak pernah tanya pasal bini pun dah start tanya aku, mak aku kata, 'tak pa la, indu ka, cina ka, siam ka semua dia terima'...sedih aku dengar, betapa mak aku nak suruh aku settle down...air mata dok menitik nih....
bak kata pepatah melayu lama...'kajang pak malau kajang berlipat, kajang hamba mengkuang layu, dagang pak malau dagang bertempat, dagang hamba menumpang lalu'....sebenarnya pepatah ni tak ada kena mengena langsung dengan apa yang aku cerita ni...saja ja aku tulis..sebab aku memang suka pepatah ni dari dulu lagi..
berbalik ke topik asal...aku ni bukan nya buruk, tapi kalau tengok dari sesetengah sudut tu, macam gajah pun ada jugak...ish. dulu, masa mengaji dulu ada la juga marka-marka yang suka kat aku, tapi aku la pulak rasa aku ni tak berapa sesuai dengan depa yang pandai-pandai tu......yang aku tau, nak pi bersuka ria kat kawloon dengan geng-geng ragbi aku... pastu ada la jugak, kawan kawan ofis yang menunjuk minat untuk mengenali aku ' dengan lebey dekat ' lagi...tapi aku la pulak sibuk nak mengejar kerjaya yang tak besar-besar sampai sekarang.......nak beli rumah dulu la, nak itu dulu la, ini dulu la, enjoy dulu la...macam-macam alasan lah...
aku tak la komplen pasal cara hidup aku la ni...tak lah senang tapi tak dak yang kurang...cuma, sejak setahun dua ni, ada member-member yang dah kahwin, dapat anak dan nak dapat anak buat aku rasa ada benda yang kurang dalam hidup aku la ni.....mak aku yang tak pernah tanya pasal bini pun dah start tanya aku, mak aku kata, 'tak pa la, indu ka, cina ka, siam ka semua dia terima'...sedih aku dengar, betapa mak aku nak suruh aku settle down...air mata dok menitik nih....
> ayah..
june21st, means a lot to me. suddenly i realised how much i missed him, missed his touches, his love, his ideas, the fun & the good moments we had for 9 years ............... sad to say, i didn't really appreciate all his kindness & love at that time. guess, i was too young to understand what was love. i liked him....but sometimes i really hated him, hated him for not understanding my needs & not loving me...
june21st made me realised how much 'ayah' loved me, my imagination runs wild thinking what would he think when he saw me for the very first time, happy? worried? will our relationship be a success?
for me 'ayah' is a good man, no matter where he is now. he was a good man, he was a man with principles, also kind and helpful. that was all i knew about him, i didn't really know him, i dont remember when was the first time he touched my face. i don't remember the last time we had a conversation, but i do remember, at one time he cried when i did something bad. he knew something that i didn't know... and i was too naive to guess what was coming. my ego was so big, all i knew i was not his favourite...
june21st brought me back to the past, the past i don't want to remember, the ugly side of my life, a dark moment, a moment ayah walked away from my life................forever. i cried & cried, so loud, my tears were full with regret. regret because i know i don't ever have a chance to show how much i love him, to tell him how much i care about him. i don't know how to live without him, i started blaming others for our separation, i became errant..
june21st made me realised how much 'ayah' loved me, my imagination runs wild thinking what would he think when he saw me for the very first time, happy? worried? will our relationship be a success?
for me 'ayah' is a good man, no matter where he is now. he was a good man, he was a man with principles, also kind and helpful. that was all i knew about him, i didn't really know him, i dont remember when was the first time he touched my face. i don't remember the last time we had a conversation, but i do remember, at one time he cried when i did something bad. he knew something that i didn't know... and i was too naive to guess what was coming. my ego was so big, all i knew i was not his favourite...
june21st brought me back to the past, the past i don't want to remember, the ugly side of my life, a dark moment, a moment ayah walked away from my life................forever. i cried & cried, so loud, my tears were full with regret. regret because i know i don't ever have a chance to show how much i love him, to tell him how much i care about him. i don't know how to live without him, i started blaming others for our separation, i became errant..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
